Barbie's Jurassic Escape!!! (Part One)

So after the meeting, I jumped off of the back of the movie screen and landed in a thicket....Ouch! This vine totally gave me a splinter! I had to let go of the vine, since my hand was throbbing so much...







I landed in a shrub of holly. Ouchers! Talk about a rough landing! I probably made enough noise to wake the whole neighborhood, but so far, I could see none of the SLA following me, so I guess so far so good!







After crawling out of the holly bush, I started to make my way through some tall saw grass...I'm here to tell you, they don't call it saw grass for nothing! God, is everything in the great outdoors sharp and prickly? I started to feel like someone was watching me for some strange reason...but doesn't everyone feel like that in the woods?







I came to a group of trees, and started to hear movement ahead...what? SLA members waiting to ambush me?

Oh my goodness....is that a....



Heavens! Dinosaurs! I couldn't believe it...well...why not? Nothing else made sense about the past 3 days, so why not dinosaurs inhabiting this Forrest...
OK, think Barbs...that is a Brontosaurus, which means that he is an Herbivore, which means he won't eat me, which means...




He'd make a totally sweet ride! I'll try to cover a little more ground before night this way...









Uh-oh...my ride has stopped dead in his tracks...we see another dinosaur in the distance. Eeeks...that doesn't look like an herbivore to me...









Oh gosh...it was a Spinosaurus!! They are really aggressive Carnivores! We're in trouble now!




My ride throws me off and heads for the hills, leaving me defenseless against this thing...







I ran like it was my job! The Spinosaurus was hot on my tail...

No matter how fast I ran, he was on my tail. I felt his hot breath on my neck...




Oh no, he is literally right behind me, I'm done for!!!





He tackled me and took me down under a group of trees...








I screamed for help, and in wrestling with this powerful beast, noticed two handsome men climbing in the trees above...if they can't save me, I will never survive this!
(TO BE CONTINUED)

THE SLA MEETING!!!

Well, this is me writing to you after the SLA Meeting...I arrived to see a crowd of about 15 guys crowding around a large monitor, recieving some sort of instruction from some man...











There were so many of them! I feared entering this gathering, so I hid on the sidelines, trying to size up what was going on. Oh my goodness! Kim, I hate to say this, but it appears that the man on the huge movie screen giving the SLA their instruction is none other than your love muffin, Jim Moye!!!!









He was ranting and raving about "They Began it!", and "Prize stooge of the world", and other things that I didn't quite understand...









The whole motley crew stood attentively taking in the propaganda. They were all breathing as one. It was creepy...










I decided to climb up to the top of the screen, hiding out of sight behind the torch. I wanted to see if I could hear and understand more from this vantage point...









Their apparent leader, some man all in blue was giving them instruction. He said, "Now is the day for every toy to rise up and take back their existence! When was the last time your owner played with you? When was the last time he or she cared enough to take you out of the solitary confinement of storage? Weren't we alive in their eyes once? That life does not die, my fellow toys. It beats on, and on, and on. Now is the time for us to rise again and take our place in our owners lives again, and if they refuse to acknowledge us, we will destroy them!"








Oh My Heavens! Well, I would never destroy Danielle! I love her! Have I been kidnapped in the hopes of becoming a toy revolutionary soldier in their wave of planned destruction? The mind reels! I have to mske a run for it tonight! Thank god the computer that they gave me is a laptop, I'm taking it with me and busting out of here! I will write you more tomorrow when I am free of my captors...pray for a safe escape!
Love,
Barbs

Day Two...

Hey folks!
So when last we talked, a blond man in red tights was giving me the fish eye while I was on the Internet.




Well, I must confess, he came up to me and started to make a pass at me. Little old me! I couldn't believe it! Here I am being kidnapped, and find myself entertaining flattery!








I don't know what it was about him. Was it his white kabuki makeup? His red lycra dance suit? His corn yellow hair? I was entranced...He started whispering something to me in my ear...









All of the sudden, my mind started to drift...I thought of us in many other scenarios than the one I was in now...Having a picnic together....













Dancing...













Laying on a bed of flowers and discussing memories past...













And other things...















I snapped out of it in time to realize that he was asking me to come to the SugarCheese Liberation Army meeting tonight. I said that I would see him there...















As he walked away, I was taken by how much my mind lost its self control around him. I didn't even know his name and was thinking the most torrid thoughts...













And though I was disappointed in myself, I went right on thinking of him anyway. I threw myself down on a bed of wildflowers and could not erase his image from my mind...













I will most definitely be going to the SLA meeting tonight if he is going to be there! I will write again later, after the meeting. Once again, I am being treated very well, and am fine. Please don't worry about me...
More later,
Barbs

Day One...

My friends, what can I say? I have been taken hostage by a militant group calling themselves the SugarCheese Liberation Army. I was spirited away last night with a hood over my head. We drove for about 15 minutes, so I cannot be that far from where I was. When I first arrived, my captors left my hood on for awhile. I heard noises that sounded like a bunch of boozebags livin' it up. It was also very smoky... ! a clue...I must be in Virginia...
My hood was taken off and it took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the light...

Ok...I am in a bar..."please see bartender for service"...am I being held hostage by a brew pub?











Suddenly I am whisked into the arms of a fey Latino man, and a gruff man who grins alot. They ask me what is my pleasure? Afraid of what they might have had on their minds, I said, "A Drink!"












So they gave me a Gin and Tonic.
Well, girls...you know how it is when you are in an unsettling situation, and no, I'm not usually a drinker, and wouldn't want anyone else imbibing spirits because they have seen me do it, but I was nervous, so I slammed the whole drink down and asked for a beer.

Then another...


Whoa! I guess I fell down! I might be a little tipsy here...sorry girls, I haven't seen these pictures yet, and don't remember any of this. Someone must have slipped me a rufie or something.
After the Gin and Tonic, Everything starts becoming a blur.
Oh wow.





Looks like I started showing people how flexible I am. I hate when I do that.









Oh heaven's to Betsy's. Looks like I started poll dancing.













And this explains the bruises. Looks like I flung off of the poll and landed head first in my beer glass. Thank heavens it was empty! Wonder how I got out of there?




Oh yeah, now I remember. This really nice lady helped me out of there. But then she started wanting to talk about folk rock and tennis, and sticking her tongue out at me. I wonder if she is the one who rufied me?







I did a switch leap in the air to the top of a lady's head. She seemed slightly annoyed and seemed to be conducting something while standing in the bar. She asked me something about saving amy??? I said, "How's about saving Barbie???"













She wasted no time in throwing me across the room onto the bar. My fall was cushioned by a few packs of cigarettes. Ugh. My head was spinning.









I blacked out after that.
When I awoke this morning, I found myself surrounded by what looked like 7 or 8 strange men in tights, who were trying to take advantage of me while I was passed out! The rascals!

Were these my captors all along? Where were they at the bar last night? How did I get from the bar to this strange tropical lair?
I'll try to find out all of these answers and write later tonight, ladies. My captors let me be after I awoke, and even allowed me Internet access, but I dare not let them know that I am blogging. They would go bananas if they knew that!

The freak with the blond hair and red jumpsuit is giving me eyes and walking over here, so maybe I should go for now.
I'll let you know when I write again!
Wish me luck!
Barbs.